Where does my help come from?
I lift my eyes toward the mountains.
Where will my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121:1-2 (HCSB)
Wednesday was my oldest son’s birthday. It was also the one year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. That day brought a mix of emotions. Cancer milestones are mingled in my mind just like birthdays and holidays – for now anyway. Although these two days are 23 years apart, they are engraved on my heart.
Their differences are harsh.
My oldest son was my first greatest blessing; a gift that I had wanted, and loved, my whole life. The preparation for his arrival was overflowing with feelings of joy and excitement only to become minute compared to what I felt when I saw him for the first time. He captivated me and stole my heart. He stole the heart of our family, too.
Diagnosis day was the opposite extreme. Cancer was something that I continually prayed against for me and my family. The days before, were full of anxiety and tests. It was one of my saddest moments. It was for my family, too.
But they are more alike than different.
In both, I had been trusted with something valuable; something that brought me to my knees, knowing I could not do it alone. I had been given a tremendous responsibility in each. How I chose to carry these would matter. It still matters. My response will count far beyond my earthly existence.
From both, God has
Refined my perspective of what matters to Him,
Taught me how to hold on and let go,
Showed me He is in control and worthy of my trust,
Changed my life forever.
I could not give myself the wonderful or the hard that He has given me – they are crafted by His hands and both are far too great for me to conceive.
He is making something out of me that I cannot make myself.
Read Psalm 121 and remember when the Lord has guided you and protected you. In all things, He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
Jesus, as we raise our eyes I ask that you will reveal Your light in the hard just as we see it in the joy. You are our shield and our enemy will not win. Help us in faith and trust. Thank you that nothing escapes You because You alone are the Creator and You command the universe. It is for Your glory that I pray these things.