Loneliness in Cancer
And remember, I am with you always…
Matthew 28:20 (HCSB)
Cancer is a lonely business and sometimes it can feel as if the rest of the world is moving on without me and I am left behind. I remember Christmas last year. I always felt like I was on the outside, looking in. It was like watching a movie and I was the spectator watching every person, except me, participate. Everyone was so busy; shopping, cooking, eating, making plans. They all looked so happy (even though I knew each one was on a road of being fashioned). It was in the crowds that I felt most alone. I would frantically look for the woman with the wig, or the hat, but none were to be found. I wanted to connect with someone suffering the same. I felt as if our eyes could meet, just for a second, I would not feel alone and neither would she.
What used to be a busy time turned quiet and still. Those who love me would stay with me. We would sit and words would not be spoken. There was no need. The unspoken was loud and clear. My leader husband, my children and my father said it best in the quiet. Words were not necessary because the truth becomes known; I am loved.
Jesus is the same way. His presence speaks loud and clear and it is in the quiet that I hear Him, and know Him, best.
He stays with me.
He never leaves.
It’s His promise.
Emmanuel, God with us – it is the true meaning of Christmas.
As it turns out, quietness is a gift. He is always speaking volumes to me but I have to be still to hear. Through cancer I have been compelled to stop and listen.
HE is the ultimate Truth that becomes known in the silence. Again, I am loved.
Fifteen months later, I am still trying to find what I call “my voice”. It is hard to start again after so much time and honestly, I do not want to pick up where I left off. How can you pick up a life before cancer after you are changed?
I have been given an opportunity to see the world, my family, and my God differently. Through cancer, God has filtered my perspective and the brevity of life has become my sifter. I am forced to think of what difference my existence here will produce. Will my husband know that he was my greatest gift? Will my children learn the truths of God through my example? Will my extended family know how much I appreciate them? And, will I give hope to others because His light shines through me?
If you are feeling lonely, I want to encourage you to embrace this moment and use it to take in God’s love and feel His presence. Hear what He has to say to you in the quiet. God says,
“You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all you heart.”
Jeremiah 29:13 (HCSB)
He is right there with you, waiting for you to want Him so He can lavish you with His love and the hopes and promises He alone brings.
Lord, I pray for the women who are lonely and need to hear from You right now. Help them to be still and embrace this time with You. Lavish them with Your presence and overwhelm them with Your love. Let them know they are never alone. Speak Your Truth in the silence and become the One that You want to be in their lives. You are the Way, the Truth, and the Life – there is no one else. It is with honor and glory I ask these things.
Praying you Live Like You Know,