A One Year Survivor Looking Back
Part One of Three
Happy are the people whose strength is in You,
Whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
Psalm 84:5 (HCSB)
I look back and I see a trench. Within it is cancer; a trough of what is dry and life snatching. Cancer does not give, it takes away. Chemo, radiation, surgery – they are the dust in my mouth and the grit in my teeth.
I am thirsty.
The road is made longer because I desperately want to get to the end. God is there. My deepest desire; the one that was created and formed in me by the Creator Himself, is to be with Him. Where He is there is wholeness and healing.
I feel as if I am in a dream where I want to run, but cannot move. I’m held back and restrained from my heavenly home because I live here, on earth.
Jesus takes my hand and He makes the steps for me; the ones that will lead to where Glory is found. Small steps are all that Jesus requires when the body is weak and small. My heart becomes set on this journey that I would never have chosen for myself. God’s wisdom knows what is needed. The end justifies the means:
He is making me holy.
The trench protects me on all sides and steers me where to go. It is deep and worn because so many have come before. It provides shelter from the elements of fear and doubt. Life swirls all around, above me, but I am safe in this place. Faith is on my right, trust is on my left, God is in my front and Jesus fills all that is between.
I become aware that cancer has no authority. The strength is God’s and His power rules the disease. With Him come rewards and gifts of eternal hope. I am cared for in my helpless state. He is carrying me and He is leading the way home.
See, the Lord God comes with strength,
and His Power establishes His rule.
His reward is with Him,
And His gifts accompany Him.
He protects His flock like a shepherd.
He gathers the lambs in His arms
and carries them in the fold of His garment.
He gently leads those that are nursing.
Isaiah 50:10-11 (HCSB)
My heart is set on pilgrimage because my journey is not about cancer, it is about Jesus.
It is all about Jesus.
Continue to part two of three…
I pray you Live Like You Know… where you are going.